The Rat Takes the Cheese
by siriusly klutzy
Summary: Who was Lily to think that everything would be hunky dory this year, even if James hadn't pestered her in a whole day?


**Summary: Who was Lily to think that everything would be hunky dory this year, even if James hadn't pestered her in a whole day?**

**Disclaimer: Jo owns it. **

**The Rat Takes the Cheese**

a Siriusly Klutzy story.

First day of classes are a real pain in the bum. I have all my classes with Alice. But I also have all my classes with Potter, except one that is. But that's Runes and it's a bore. Plus, the professor would have a cow if any of us talked. So it's not like it matters if Potter's in that class anyway.

Let me explain. James Potter (the formally mentioned Potter) has been the pebble in my shoe for the past sixish years. He's been a straight up jerk, a prick, a toe rag, a bully, and an arrogant pig since the day I met him. And that wasn't a pleasant day, let me tell you. It went along the lines of involving two balloons filled with rice pudding, a couple of clever spells, and good aim.

My hair smelled for weeks.

So my reaction to finding out that James Potter was in almost every single one of my classes?

Let's just say it wasn't pleasant.

Not to mention that since the boy has become hormone driven (AKA the second he turned thirteen) he has asked me out repetitively in any possible form. I've gotten flowers, notes, Sirius has asked _for _James, and the occasional pissed off pixie. Note: A pissed of pixie is not a good way to ask _any_one out. Not just me.

But something about today was weird. Not only did I not see James Potter pull one prank_ all day, _but he also hasn't asked me out. Nor has he shown any inclination to do so. My first thought was, _Maybe Potter's sick_. But he probably just realized that not only will he ever have a chance with me (because he won't), I will never even accept him as a decent human being.

That trick he pulled by the lake last year with Snape? Totally and completely uncalled for.

"Alice," I groaned, collapsing at the Gryffindor table for dinner after classes. "I don't like the concept of school anymore."

Alice laughed. She always was a morning person. And a night person. God, she's always in a good mood. It's sickening.

"At least you didn't get a detention today," she commented, pouring some soup into a bowl.

I spun to look at her. Detention? Why does no one tell me of these things? But quick, just think about it. She's not even upset about it. She's _smiling_ to be perfectly honest. Someones been singing with the birds again.

"Alice! What the hell did you do? We've been back here for a day. _One day_. And you've already landed yourself in detention, you prat! What'd you do?" I demanded.

"I thought Jeremiah Flint stole my Charms essay that we were supposed to do over the summer, so I cursed his toes off." She shrugged. "But then I found my essay and he told McGonagal what I did." Happy, but cruel. Interesting combination if I do say so myself.

"Where was I when all of this happened?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"I think you were visiting Moaning Myrtle..."

It's true, I do visit the emotionally challenged ghost. She must get so lonely, floating along in the s-bend. I'll bring Ice Mice and we'll sit there and talk. She'll tell me all about how much of a prat that Olive Hornby was and I'd share my stories about Potter. But I didn't have stories to share with Myrtle today, so I just sat there quietly and ate my Ice Mice while she wailed.

"When do you have to serve it?" I asked with a pout. _Now _who's going to help me with my Runes? I'm horrible at that stuff.

"Tonight," Alice replied indifferently.

Humph.

"But what am I supposed to do while you're gone?" I asked with a sigh.

"My homework," she said mischievously. I glared and started eating.

We chatted our way through a rushed dinner. Alice left right after, leaving me to go up to the Common Room. Alone. With nothing to do up there but sit. Alone. And do my homework.

Alone.

I'm sensing a pattern.

So I lugged my bag up all those stairs. Not to mention I got caught on the stupid moving staircase twice._ Twice_! In one go. Same set of stairs as well. Frank said something to me while I was at the top and he was at the bottom. So I turned to see what he said and BAM! Movement. So we talked a bit more and then he got off. I walked up the stairs and I was _three steps from the top_. And they moved. Again.

Once I got back to the Common Room, I decided to be productive. (Mainly I felt kind of nauseous from those damned moving stairs and I wanted to sit down for a bit.) I couldn't just sit there, bored out of my mind, waiting for Alice to get back. I did wonder where Marlene was, but she was probably off snogging some bloke. Again. Like she did all summer. And I didn't. Stupid muggle boys.

I pulled out my Potions book. Better get the worst done first, right?

After getting all comfortable in my chair with my feet reclined on the table I had conveniently pulled close, I started into my homework.

La, la, la. I think the answer to the first one is wolfs bane. Bugger, maybe it's moonstone. No, it's definitely wolfs bane. I hope.

_Why should you shake, not stir, the Draught of-_

"Lily?"

I looked up to see James Potter towering over me.

Oi, I guess I spoke too soon.

"Potter?" I asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Have you seen my pet rat?"

"Excuse me?"

Pet rat? Why does James Potter not seem like a rat person to me?

"Well, I'm normally a dog person, but this rat had a special ability."

Rats with special abilities? Maybe Potter has lost his mind. I'd tell him that he should donate it to science, but a brain without knowledge would be pretty useless to them. The scientists, I mean. Then again, he probably doesn't know what a scientist is. Being a pureblood and all.

"And what ability would that be?"

"He runs to pretty girls. That's why I thought I should ask you first."

Ugh.

James smirked and looked down at me, waiting for me to answer his absurd question.

"No, I have _not _seen your rat."

"Are you sure? That kind of looks like him." James pointed down to my open Potions book and there, on pages thirteen and fourteen, was a big ass rat.

"ARRGHHHHH!!!" I screamed, jumping up and knocking my Potions things everywhere. The rat went flying and James caught him, laughing like a loony toon.

"I don't think she thought it was funny, Padfott," James called over to Sirius.

"Nor do I. Is the rat okay?" Sirius grinned.

James held the rat up by his tail. (at least, I'm assuming it was a boy rat. Girl rat just sounds like an oxy moron to me. I mean, they must exist. But I'm just guessing that this one was a boy. Not that I could see any of his... parts. I'm just assuming...) Sirius checked him out and nodded his approval.

"Bring him back here."

James walked back over to Sirius, chuckling and placed the rat in his lap. I grumbled and picked up my papers that were strewn all over during the rat attack.

Once I got re situated and had a nervy spazz because I could have _sworn _that there was a piece of rat poo mushed onto page thirteen, I started my homework again.

Around eight thirty, I was finished with Potions, Runes, and Charms. All that I had left was Transfiguration. But that was when Alice got back, so I couldn't do it then, of course.

"Hey, Lily," she said, sitting down next to my already huge pile of homework. First day back, too. I hate NEWTs.

"'Hey Lily'? That's all you have to say after what I've been through?"

Alice smirked. "Why? What happened while I was gone?"

"While you were gone?! Well, I had to do a _ton _of homework. That was bad thing number one. Then my Potions book had arendezvous with a_ rat_ on pages thirteen and fourteen! Bad thing number two. But of course it wasn't just _any_ rat! It was a big, fat, ugly, _boy _rat!"

"Bad thing number three?" she asked.

"Yup."

"Is there more?"

"Do you know who's rat it was, Alice?" I interrogated.

"I cannot say that I do," she replied. She was trying so hard not to smile.

"It was James Potter's rat!"

"Bad thing number four..." she agreed, nodding.

**A/n: Here's another one! Okay, so this was originally part of a chaptered fic I thought I'd work on. But in reality, I'm rubbish at that kind of stuff and one shots are my thing. I hate sticking with plots. _is innocent _Anyway, I hope you liked it, even if it is random and such. If you did, you get e-cookies. Ang gets 15 because she chose the title and it cracked me up. **

**Keep reading!**

**Much love and cookies,**

**Siriusly Klutzy**


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